


Silent All These Years

by Cluegirl



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Abandonment, Abortion, Angst, Cancer, Epistolary, Euthanasia, F/M, M/M, Racism, abusive parenting, and really foul language., family alienation, pregnancy from rape, terminal illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-19
Updated: 2010-08-19
Packaged: 2017-10-11 04:16:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cluegirl/pseuds/Cluegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a curse on the Black family.  It claims the eldest child of each generation.  Sirius and Bellatrix, unsure which will fall to it, swear a childhood pact that will stay with them when everything else falls apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent All These Years

* * *

  
May, 1968  


* * *

Cousin Sirius,

I am _not_ a tattler! It was Andromeda who told, but you should have given my doll back when I told you to, and so it's your own fault you got the strap! I pulled her hair after dinner tonight though, and told her nobody likes a tattletale, not even Muggles.

Does it hurt very much? Will you still have the marks when we come to Sunday dinner? I want to see them. You'll let me, won't you? I'll never forgive you if you're surly about it, you know.  
Sincerely, your cousin,  
~Bellatrix Black~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Cousin Bella

Well, you shouldn't ought to have told Kreacher to take my broomstick away then, and I wouldn't have touched your grotty old doll. And if you can't keep your ickle baby bratkin in line, I hate to think about how she'll be when we're all at Hogwarts! You'd better set her straight, Bella, and no mistake. Tell her to be more like Regulus -- I hardly ever have to beat him up anymore.

Of course you can't see the marks. Mum had Flora charm them away first thing this morning. You didn't think she'd _leave_ them where anybody might see, did you? We're to go to a party tomorrow night, after all, for one of Father's friends, so it'll be horribly boring. I'll steal you something.

So go on then, don't forgive me -- when we're married you'll have to do what I say anyhow.

And no, it didn't hurt.  
Much.  
See you Sunday,  
Your cousin,   
Sirius

* * *

  


April 1970

  


* * *

Bella.  
Meet me outside -- Now!  
S  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Stupid!

I can't get away now, your stupid owl woke Andromeda up, and you know she'll tell! You've heard something, haven't you? About the Curse? I almost caught Aunt Dahlia and Father talking about it after Grandmother's funeral, but stupid Regulus had to come in and start whinging, and they stopped too soon.

You have to tell me, Sirius! I shall never forgive you if you don't!  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Well bring her too, you stupid girl!

I nicked one of Mother's sleeping draughts, and some cake from the funeral feast. We'll dose both her and Reg-head, and I'll tell you when they fall asleep. Because I did hear. I heard, and it's awful! The curse... just awful. The whole family, not just Gran. I'll tell you once you come down.

The orchard, by the old well we pushed Kreacher in that one time -- and hurry!  
S

P.S. Are you older, or am I? Do you know?  


~*~*~*~*~*~

I knew it! It's a Blood Curse, isn't it? Something grisly and horrible, and that's why they wouldn't let us see Grandmother since this Equinox!

I'm coming down. Told Andi I'd feed her and Baby Cissa to the thestrals if she makes a single sound. DON'T LEAVE!  
~B~

P.S. What do you mean, 'Older'? Our birthday's the same and you know it!  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella,

I'm sorry you got in trouble. Did Andi tell after all? I knew you should have brought her. I mean, we KNOW Reg won't tell, 'cause of the Unbreakable; I looked it up -- the witness can't talk about the oath. Just can't, not even under Veritaserum. Cool, huh? But anyway, we should have put her and the baby to sleep just to be sure. The grown ups wouldn't find out.

Your mum didn't make you tell, did she? Only I don't fancy getting beaten over all this when I'm probably going to die horribly anyhow.

I nicked some food from breakfast for you. Sorry it's cold, but I reckon it's better than going hungry. Better use that folded bird charm to write back. I don't trust Kreacher, the smug little creep.  
Sirius.  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius,

Of course I didn't tell. I never tell secrets, no matter what. And I didn't even get beaten much, just scolded, and sent up without breakfast. And it wasn't Andi, it was that stupid elf of yours, sneaking about and spying on me, and I don't know why he didn't catch you, the stupid elf. He'd no business lurking around that hallway, either. You should kick him.

And of course it isn't going to be you. I'm the older one; I've got to be. I'm loads more mature than you are, anyhow, so it's got to be me. Anyhow, we're neither one of us going to die like that, are we? That's why we swore on it.

These eggs are nasty. Can't you nick me some more cake?  
~Bella~

* * *

  


August 1971

  


* * *

Dear Cousin Sirius

Are you as excited as I am? Hogwarts at last! No more whiny little copycats following us about and telling the grown-ups about everything we do! (By the way, I saw you cast confundus on Reg in Borgin and Burkes so you could slip away -- good one. Was that your brand new wand? If so, it's brilliant -- he almost fell down the stairs, twice!)

Who was that boy you were talking to outside the broom shop? The one with the glasses. He isn't anyone I've seen before, and if he's going blind already, he can't be from any good family. He's not a Mudblood, is he?

I had a row with mother over my school robes. I don't see why we have to wear those plain black ones when all the other students get House Colours. It's not as if we don't know exactly where we'll be sorted, after all, and I look so much better in green. Black alone makes me too pale.

I'll see you on the Hogwarts Express, I suppose. You had better sit with me. I shall never forgive you if you don't!  
~Bella~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Smelly Belly

Thanks for being a blabbermouth! Kreacher saw your letter come, and he stole it and gave it to Mum, and I got the strap for hexing Regulus. You'd best learn a better code charm, or I'll pop you one next time you send me a note!

Anyway, that was James Potter. He's not a Mudblood, and he isn't blind, neither. I daresay his far-away vision's loads better than yours is! He said he only has to wear glasses because of his stigmata anyhow, but he might have been taking the piss. (that means telling lies.) He's a brilliant bloke, knows positively loads about brooms and bludgers and he's starting Hogwarts this year too. Maybe him and me will be in the same house.

You look fine in black, Belly. Besides, you'd look pretty stupid in green robes if the Sorting Hat put you in Hufflepuff, wouldn't you? It could happen -- you never know!

See you next week! Platform 9 3/4th, King's Cross Station!  
Sirius   


~*~*~*~*~*~

Don't you call me that, you big stupid BOY! And don't you DARE call me a Hufflepuff, either! I'll never be anything but a Slytherin, and I'd die if that stupid hat tried to put me anywhere else! Mummy and Daddy would simply kill me.

Like your mum's going to kill you if you get caught hanging about with the son of a _broom merchant_! Pure blood's one thing, but Daddy said the Potters only came into their money recently, and that means they might as well be paupers, really. You don't want to be friends with a pauper, do you? Everyone would think you were no better than him!

Really, Sirius, you must be smarter than that!  
~B~

PS like _this_ charm a little better then?  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Why shouldn't I call you that, Smelly old Belly, when you act just like a stinky, spoiled brat? You can't even cast a good dodge ~n~ ditch charm! Your grotty old paper bird flapped all over the garden for nearly half an hour, and Reg almost got his hands on it. I swear I'll pop you if you don't quit getting me the strap, Bella, see if I don't!

And what if I'm not any better than Potter? He's loads nicer than any of those other stuck up, stupid kids that always come around Mum's social club. Anyway, he says his dad's a broom _designer_, not a merchant, and he's made up new spells for all kinds of things besides brooms as well, so he's really clever, and James is too. He said he's got a three-point blocking turn he'll show me that can knock a bludger clear across a Quidditch pitch without a bat!

Bet grotty Astrid Bulstrode doesn't have cool moves like that, and boring old Lucy Malfoy who only talks about his stupid clothes while you moon after him. He doesn't even like girls, I heard, so much good his pure blood does him! And it's not like he'd marry you when your Father and mine have already got our banns all drawn up, anyhow.

Really, Bella, it's you who's being stupid. It can't be all about blood -- look at ours; we're cursed by our blood, aren't we? So there has to be more to it than that. And mum can't say boo about it if I DO make friends with him, anyway, because we're meant to make friends at school, and she said so. So I am, and he's brilliant at Quidditch, and I just might sit with him on the train, and if you're too stuck up to sit with us, then that's fine, because if I really wanted a tag-tail following me about on the train, I'd bring Reg-head along, wouldn't I?

But you can sit with us if you promise not to be a big, dumb GIRL about it.  
Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Queerius,

Fine. You can just sit with your new boyfriend on the train then. Maybe he'll marry you too, if you're rich enough for him. Then you can get HIM to nurse you when the curse takes hold, if he isn't too busy tending shop!

You're such a stupid BOY!  
~B~

* * *

  


September 1971

  


* * *

Sirius,

I can't believe it! You have to tell the Headmaster there's been a mistake! You can't be in Gryffindor! You simply can't! Tell him the awful old Hat made a mistake, and make him move you to Slytherin, where you belong! The thing's daft anyhow -- did you hear that stupid song it kept singing?

Aunt Dahlia and Uncle Polaris will just go INSANE when they hear! They'll be simply FURIOUS with you! I knew you shouldn't have sat with that awful Potter on the train!   
You have to fix it, Sirius! I'll never, ever forgive you if you stay in Gryffindor! I won't!   
~Bellatrix~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Cousin Bellatrix,

Shut up and go back to staring at Lucy's bum. I'm fine where I am, and anyway, everyone knows you can't change Houses once you're sorted. They won't let you, always say the Hat knows what's best, and that's that.

And I like the boys in my dorm. They're dead brilliant, all of them. You'd have liked them too, if you'd had the guts to come down the car and meet them. But I don't reckon you'll want to meet them, now you know they're all Gryffindors like me, will you?

Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

I was NOT staring! And anyway, if I was, at least he has a bum, not like that flat nothing behind you!

And if you won't talk to the Headmaster, I'll write your mum and dad and THEY'LL put it right! You can't stay in Gryffindor, Sirius, you simply can't, don't you understand? You just have to be a Slytherin, you stupid boy!  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella,

I AM a Gryffindor, you twit. And you'd better get used to it, because I'm not leaving my new friends just on your say so. What's the matter, are you going to act like you're too good for me now? Like my blood's not just as pure as yours is?

That's rot, and you know it!

Go ahead and tell Mum and Dad. They'll have to pull me out of school to get me out of Gryffindor. That's what Lupin says, and Potter says he's dead right. So if you want to be married to a Black who didn't even go through school properly, then just carry on whinging about it!

Oh, but wait, I forgot; I'm to marry Potter, aren't I? Guess you'll have to sniff out your own husband, since you're too good to marry a _Gryffindor_. And you think you're the older between us? HAH!

Grow up, Bellybrain.  
S  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius,

You are the STUPIDEST boy in the whole WORLD! You don't understand ANYTHING!  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Bellatrix of Slytherin

Fine. Now can I go to sleep without your stupid birdbrain letters pestering me? I DO have class in the morning, after all, you dumb girl.

Sirius of Gryffindor

* * *

  


September 1973

  


* * *

Bella,

I saw you look at me when he got sorted, and no, I was NOT surprised. Reg never could think for himself, could he? So you've got him now, just like I thought you would.

You look after him.   
I mean it.

Keep Snivellus and Lucy away from him, or I'll hex you cross-eyed and make it stick.  
I swear I will.  
Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius,

Why would you care_care_? He's just a Slytherin, after all, not a big, dumb hero like you and your friends. Anyway, it's not as if you didn't pick on Reg yourself, and we both know it. Or maybe you're afraid Snape will make him pay for the way you all pick on **him**?

Either way, you don't have to worry -- Regulus is one of US now. We'll protect our own, even from you.

Especially from the likes of you.  
~Bellatrix~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella,

He's a Black. Like you, like me, like Andi will be next year, whatever House she gets sorted into, and Cissa after that. I remember when you used to think Blood mattered, but I suppose now you're part of Lucy's fanclub, you're not so sure.

Sounds like if your blood kin's not Slytherin, they're the ones not good enough for you. And don't you point your finger at me, as if I haven't heard all about you terrorising Amelia Bones and Zeph Carter all year. Protect your own! Hah! Like you look after Snape?

You keep Reg away from them. You know what I mean.  
Sirius Black  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius Orion Black, don't you wave your name about at me, you blood traitor! You hardly care about it yourself, to watch you cozying up to all those halfbloods and Mudbloods over there in Gryffindor! And who told you about Bones and Carter? That wasn't me, and those twits had bloody well better not be saying it was!

And Snape's different. Everyone knows he's half Muggle, for all he gets ideas above himself. No harm to let you lot put him in his place once in awhile. Regulus is a true Black, though, and Slytherin knows the value of that, even if YOU don't.  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella

As if I'd need Bones and Carter to say anything! I recognise your style, Bella, whether you're having it off on your weepy, snotty kid sister or on Hufflepuffs. You're just as vicious as you ever were, and I'm not surprised your Slytherins love you.

But don't you forget -- I was a Black before I was a Gryffindor, and there's nothing you can hand out that I can't beat down and hand back.  
SB  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Only if you've got your Gryffindor boyfriends to back you up.  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Ha, ha, ha.   
Does Lestrange know how funny you are? Is that why he moons after you like a sheep? Wonder what he'll think of the Family Curse. Will he still be sniffing after your skirt then, or will he want to marry a woman whose firstborn child might actually _live_?  
SB  


~*~*~*~*~*~

GOD, but I hope you really ARE the eldest, Sirius Black!  
That way I'll get to kill you, and I'll _laugh_ while I do!  
~B~

* * *

  


June 1976 

  


* * *

Sirius,

You're such a fucking idiot. I TOLD you they were angry! I TOLD you they wouldn't put up with it any more, but did you listen to me? And now you're turned out in the street, just like I said you would be, and Mum and Dad said you'd better not show up here either, because we won't take you in.

What are you going to do, you fool? Work, like a common, gutter born labourer? You've never done, and anyway, you're far too lazy -- who would even hire you? You're going to wind up bin diving like some wretched Muggle vagrant, smelly and toothless and crawling with fleas, and I will NEVER forgive you! Never, do you hear me?!

Never!  
~Bellatrix BLACK~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Bellatrix BLACK,

You are hereby invited to Shut the Fuck Up.  
You have no idea what happened, you have no idea why I did it, and you have no fucking RIGHT to pass judgment on me, you sanctimonious, hem-kissing bitch.

Christ, you couldn't even bother to ASK before you started in on me, could you? You're just as bad as they are, and you always have been! Well, you can keep your precious blood, and your precious name, and your precious money, and your precious fucking tapestry, and your precious fucking Blood Curse as well! And may you all choke on the lot! I'm better shut of you all.

Don't waste your tears over my fate, cousin dear -- Gryffindors take care of OUR own as well.

But while we're trading useless advice, why don't you take a bit from me; hanging out with criminals is a good way to get yourself and your precious family name locked up in Azkaban.

Fair warning, for old time's sake.  
Sirius Orion ~~Black~~

* * *

  


March 1978

  


* * *

Sirius,

He's dying. Come home.

~Bellatrix~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Mrs. Lestrange,

No.

SB  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius

You prick, this isn't the time for arsing about! The Curse is claiming your father! The healers say he could go at any time, now that it's spread to his brain and bones. He can barely breathe!

The least you could do, if you're going to gloat, is come and gloat to his face. Or are you afraid to see what the future holds in store for you?

Come home, damn you.  
~Bellatrix Lestrange~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Mrs. Lestrange,

I am not his son. He told me so three years ago. He isn't my father, and that place isn't my home, and I won't go back there just to watch a stranger who hates me die.

That could as readily be your future lying there in that bed, you know.   
Don't worry though -- I'll put a wand to your head before it gets that bad, just like I promised.

Now I'm going home. MY home. Where nobody hates me or wishes they'd drowned me at birth. I'd suggest you do the same, if your husband's any good. Let the old bastard die on his own.  
Sirius.  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius,

He should have drowned you at birth, perhaps, but he didn't.  
Come home. Or come here, if you can't think of it any other way.

He's asked for you. He wants to see you before the end.  
~Bella~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

No. I'm not falling for that one. He'd never ask for me! Not after he spit in my fucking face last time he saw me in Diagon Alley.

He wouldn't. You're lying. Whatever game you're playing, I'm not going to go. Forget it.

FUCK!

You'd better not be lying, Bellatrix Lestrange. If I get there and I find you're taking the piss, I swear on my right arm, I will END you, do you hear me? I will _never forgive you_, and unlike when you say that, I bloody well mean it!

Sirius.

* * *

  


August 1981

  


* * *

Bellatrix, you septic cunt!

Are you frightened right now? You should be, you whore, you fucking murderess! You swore -- you SWORE to me you'd look after him! You promised he'd be safe in Slytherin, that you damned faithless snakes wouldn't let him come to any harm, and now he is fucking DEAD, Bellatrix!

DEAD! My little brother is dead, and your precious pure-blooded Death Eaters did it! Was it you? Did you hold him at the end of your wand and look him in the eye while you proved that you're a freak and a whore and a damned liar when you say that Blood's more important than anything? No, you're too fucking cowardly for that, aren't you? He'd have been poisoned if you were going to do it.

No, you didn't do it, but you knew. I saw how you wouldn't look him in the eye when Father died. I saw how you treated him. You fucking KNEW, and you didn't warn him, and by Godric's hairy bollocks, that's enough for me to tear your goddamn throat out!

If anybody's a Blood Traitor, Bellatrix Lestrange, it's YOU!  
And I promise you on my father's curse-riddled corpse, if I ever find out that you had anything to do with it, I will eat your filthy black heart!  
Sirius Orion Black  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Dearest Blood Traitor

Oh, so now that he's DEAD, your dearest ickle baby brother finally deserves a scrap of your attention? Now that your example has led him to betray his blood, his family and his Lord, you dare -- you DARE to lay it at MY feet? He would still be alive today, had you cared one jot for the man he'd become! If you'd spared him one single glance that wasn't down your nose in scorn!

You wanted him to be something he wasn't -- a blood traitor like you -- and he killed himself and betrayed us all trying to be that! Who do you think that was for, Sirius? Not for his friends, not for his Lord, not for his family, and sure as HELL not for his own good did he betray us. For you, you selfish pig! He killed himself for you, and by Salazar, you can't even admit it!

It's YOUR fault that he's dead, Sirius. Yours. NOT MINE!  
~Bellatrix Black Lestrange~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Twist all you like, Bellatrix, but it's still YOU who's on your knees kissing the hem of the bloody psychopath who ordered his death. It's still YOU who's whoring the Black blood to a stinking, jumped up halfblood, and selling your own kin out to die under his wand, and for what? For WHAT, Bellatrix?

Do you even know, or is it just easier to listen to that psychopath rant that someone's betrayed him, and he wants someone to blame, and so young Black there, (or was it just Death Eater #42?) would do? Voldemort says Regulus betrayed him, and so you believe it, and you let him die. You let him die, and I have to wonder if he was surprised when you and your Slytherins finally showed him what utter lack-faiths you all are.

I'm not. "Regulus is one of US now," you said. "We'll protect our own..." Like fuck, Bellatrix. It was a lie then, and it's a lie now, and I will never forgive you for making Regulus believe it.

Never.  
I'm not waiting for the Curse to kill you, Bellatrix. I'm going to do it myself if you so much as cross my path.  
And until then I hope he haunts you ragged.  
Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius

It sounds as if it isn't _me_ he's haunting at all.  
And as for your ire, lay on. If you think I'm afraid of you, you're even more deluded than you were back when you thought I'd ever marry you, you rabid cur.

Merlin, you're so filthy with Mudbloods I've no doubt even the Curse won't recognise you! You abandon our family and hearth and home and name and even the woman who bore you into this world! You abandon your brother to his death without a second glance, because you're too busy spreading your arse for that filthy Half-blood Lupin, and sniffing after Potter's Mudblood bitch and her snivelling whelp. YOU abandoned him, your own brother, for those cheap-blooded pretenders, and you dare call MY house faithless?

Bring me your hatred, _Gryffindor_, and I guarantee mine will be the greater!  
~BL~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Let me find you abroad on Hallow's eve, Death Eater, and no Wizengamot will blink twice at what I do to you.  
SB

* * *

  


November 1983

  


* * *

Bella.

Happy Birthday to my insane murderess of a cousin! I saw you in the yard today -- you're getting a bit fat, don't you think? What's the matter, isn't Roddy-boy putting you through your paces often enough over there in the married-Death Eater's wing?

Without any love at all,  
Your cousin who is NOT a murderer, Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius, you cocksucker, happy birthday yourself.

Where did you get parchment? And a wand to charm it with? No, if you had a wand, you'd be gone. Not even you're stupid enough to stay in this place if you don't have to.

Getting fat, am I? Well, I suppose it must be all the rich food the Dementors are bringing me. Trifle and roast beef and scones and cream and tea whenever I want, and damn you Sirius, just damn you! I'm not getting fat! I'm NOT! IT'S NOT FAT!

And don't you dare fucking mention Rodolpho, because it isn't fucking even HIS!

I'm the oldest, Sirius. I've got it. The blood curse is in me, and I'm dying, and you have to keep your promise now. You have to. Keep it, and keep it now, because I'm not having with this!  
I'll never forgive you if you don't!  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Ohoho!

We aren't expecting, are we Bellatrix? You sly minx!

You know they won't let you off because of it, don't you? They'll just wait till your sprog is hatched, and then take it away from you to be raised by Hufflepuffs. So... is it going to come screeching out with Rasty's pushed-up nose, or that Crouch kid's yellow hair? And what's that stupid husband of yours thinking, letting you get knees-up without him?

And no, you haven't got it. You're just pregnant, is all.  
S  
P.S. It's a special parchment. I got it when my solicitor wrote me. I was meant to write back to him on it, but it's more fun to pester my own pop-eyed, preggers cousin instead.  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Both. Both of them, I don't know. I couldn't stop them, and I couldn't cast a charm after, and I couldn't... He didn't even... God damn you, I DO have the curse! I have to have it, because I can't have a baby because it will only die. I can't have a baby curse here, and I can't let the Dementors and fucking Mudbloods take it away, and you HAVE TO DO IT YOU PROMISED YOU FUCKING BASTARD!

You have to.  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

I'll kill them for you.

But I won't kill you. It's not the curse, Bella, it's just a baby. You don't smell anything like Gran did back then, you only smell a little bit soft and milky, but mostly like you're filthy, and should have a bath.

Don't worry about the baby. You're built for that, you know? You'll be fine. Might even get better food while you're up the duff. It won't be cursed, either. Andi's girl is the lucky winner there, and if something happens to her before the Curse takes hold, the Malfoy brat's next in the queue. Your children won't die of the curse, and neither will you.

Besides; even if I wanted to kill you -- and most days I do, mind -- how am I meant to do it when I can't even GET to you? And not having a wand, what should I use, harsh language?  
S  


~*~*~*~*~*~

You won't touch them. They're mine. I'll do the fucking blood-eagle of both of them, choke them on their own goddamn scrotes and decorate my room with garlands of their guts. And I'll fucking laugh I'll fucking laugh and I'll shit in their eyes but you'll not lay a hand on the Dark Lord's chosen, Blood Traitor!

But me -- you could do it. You could get to me. You could always get out of anywhere if you put your withered little brain to it. But you won't. You want to watch me suffer, so you can feel oh so superior, because YOU can't get up the duff if they shove you down and stick it in, can you? You just fart it out again, and go back to your pudding. Or maybe you like it. Maybe it reminds you of your half blood lover, so you roll on your belly and take it with your tongue hanging out.

You do this. You kill it. You find a way, damn you, or I'll never, ever forgive you! You do it, or else I'll make bloody well SURE it's you who dies of the Black Family Curse!  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bellatrix, calm down.

I mean it. Just stop and think! The baby didn't do anything to you -- it's just a symptom, okay? It will come out, and then it will go away, and you can go on back to being your own, charming, murderous self, and plotting the enslavement of half-bloods and Muggleborns everywhere.

You don't want to kill another little pure-blooded soldier for your cause, do you? You want your sprog suited up in a white mask someday, and torturing innocent people right alongside his mum and dads don't you?

Don't, Bella. I mean it.  
Just don't.

Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

I should have known you'd be bloody useless. I have to take care of everything myself...  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella, you cunt! Don't you fucking dare! Don't you dare hurt that baby until I've had a chance to teach it to hate you!

I'll tell them -- I'll find someone to tell that you're up the duff, and they'll stop you! I was lying before. If they know, they'll take you out. Put you in St. Mungo's, along with Alice and Frank, and you can watch them talk to the wallpaper until you give birth. Won't you like that? Free gloating rights, eh?

Don't kill it, Bella.  
Please.  
S  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Leave me alone. Muggle lover. Blood traitor.  
Fuck.

* * *

  


June 1993

  


* * *

Sirius Orion Black

You take me with you, do you hear me? I know you're planning something! Even the Dementors whisper that you're talking about it. 'He's at Hogwarts', you say, over and over again, and I know who you mean, don't I? I'll get you to him. You know I can find him, and I can give him to you. Nobody would even think to blame you, because I'm so much cleverer than you ever were, and anyhow, you probably couldn't even kill him yourself, could you? You'll need me for that too.

I'll kill him for you, Sirius. I promise I will. And you can keep on being the not-murderer if you're so proud of it. Anyway, you have to take me, because what if you get sick? What if I have to keep my oath with you? You don't want to have to come all the way back here just for that, right?

Don't you leave without me. Don't you leave me here.  
I'll never fucking forgive you if you don't take me with you when you go!  
~Bellatrix~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

No joy, Smelly Belly

There's only room for one on this ride. Can't have a tag-along slowing me down.

But don't you worry about me -- I reckon I can find it in me to kill just this once. Been waiting for the chance this twelve years, haven't I? Next time you see me, I'll deserve to be locked up in the cell just as much as you do. But as for the oath, I'm betting you're the older. I'm just too lucky to die of it.

You keep the home-fires going there at old Az, Bella. I'll send you a hamper from Honeydukes, and some silk-cuts from Puffworthies, so you can bribe the rough trade to screw Rasty and Crouch to the effing walls. And Roddo too, the worthless berk. Have 'em all squealing for you before you run out of barter, you daft wench, I'm counting on you.  
Yours, NOT behind bars,  
Sirius

P.S. You don't have to worry about forgiving me, either. I've stopped expecting that years ago.  


~*~*~*~*~*~

I hate you.

I hope he kills you first. I hope you choke on him, and everyone sees you purple-faced in the streets. I hope you get caught and Dementor-kissed. And I hope your precious godson sees you for the bloodthirsty, selfish bastard you really are! I hope he hates you before you die! I hope your precious halfblood lover finds you and hands you over to the Aurors! I hope you die, do you hear me? I hope Snape finds you and kills you, and I hope you die! I hope they find you and they drag you back here again to ROT, do you hear? I hope they drag you back! I hope you come back.

Come back...please come back.

* * *

  


June 1995

  


* * *

Sirius

Just thought you ought to know -- HE's back. I'm back. We're all back, and if that mewling, half-blind squib is the best you've got to try and throw into our way, we'll have you all at wandpoint within the month.

You may want to begin hedging your bets now, if you've an ounce of the Black sense of survival. Oh, wait -- I forgot; you've GOT no one outside your feeble little Order who doesn't want to see you soulless and drooling. No luck for you there, I suppose. You'd better go barking after your latest Potter's heels after all -- perhaps he can show you a new trick or two with his broom before we skin him alive for the Dark Lord's amusement.

What's one more failure in a life such as yours, after all?  
And my oath will be complete when I set wand to your head and end your line forever.  
Can't wait to see you again!  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Lestrange.

It ain't over until the Pregnant Lady sings. And I know for a fact you've a tin ear. I remember how you used to fill the Azkaban air with your screeching and wailing -- only I suppose that wasn't meant to be _song_, precisely. Good thing, too, since I hear breath control is hard when you're flat on your back.

Ah, how I've missed your ranting, Cousin. I remember how you used to howl about the spiders in your cell -- how they'd crawl up out of the toilet hole and build their nests in your ears at night. Remember how they sprayed you with sea-water when you crapped in the corner for a week because you were afraid of the cobwebs by the toilet hole? Remember that time when you plucked half your head bald trying to find the hair with the spider eggs attached?

Ahh, good times, Bella, good times.

Sorry your Baby's Daddy won't be coming back to the fold again after tonight. You'll have to console yourself with that worthless lump of gristle you married, and his wall-eyed brother, I'm afraid. Because we've always known that for all your blood's pure as ice water, you've never been the Dark Lord's type. The only use he has for rabid, mad bitches like you is his blood work he doesn't care to soil his hands with. You might as well be his scullery maid, love.

Sirius Black

P.S. That tickle inside your clothes? It's probably not a poisonous spider. But it might be. You know how they always manage to find a way in past the vermin spells. Sleep well.  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius Orion Black.

Get it off. Call it off me, or I'll ... I'll kill the werewolf! I'll find the Potter brat and eat his heart! I'll-

* * *

  


July 1995

  


* * *

~~Dear Bellatrix~~

Cousin.

Our unbreakable oath, you remember? Of course you remember. You'll never be mad enough to forget that, I don't suppose -- that one question we couldn't ever answer, that riddle we never solved.

Well, I've solved it.  
It's me. Yeah, I heard that cheer all the way over here.

Don't think just because you let Reg get killed, I'll let you out of that oath. I'm not dying of this. I'm not going out this way. You take care of it, next time you see me.

Don't fuck this up, you daft bint.  
I mean it.

Sirius Orion Black -- Eldest   


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius

Aww, is poor ickle Sirius having a bad day? Stuck on the losing side, with Mudbloods and Muggle lovers and werewolves and half-blind brats, and not enough nerve to take the poison cup?

Well, while I'd be more than happy to end your miserable existence to the glory of my Lord, I'm not going to any particular trouble just because you're having a sulk.

And the next time you charm a bloody parchment to appear in my robe pockets, you'd better include a secrecy clause. Unless you WANT your old classmate to read your missives over my shoulder, that is. I'm sure he'd LOVE to know about the Black Family Blood Curse, all things considered.

Shall I give him your love, dearest?  
~Bellatrix~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Listen to me, you septic twat -- I AM NOT PLAYING WITH YOU!

I've had it checked. It's real. Right there in my blood, breaking it down into nothing at all. Leukaemia is what the Muggles call it, and you want to know the funny part? This'll make you wet 'em, I swear. They could have treated it, those Muggles you hate so very much. They could have cured this cursed disease if I'd known to go to them earlier. Last year, the year before -- as soon as I'd slipped out of Az, even. And it might have been soon enough that they could have broken it. Lifted the curse with their science, ended the bloody Teind to Hell our family's been paying once a generation since we took up the name of Black.

Now it's too late.

I'm just the most recent in a long line of Black sacrifices to bloody fucking ignorance.  
And now that you know...

Well, I guess we both know what comes next.  
Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius

You went to a Muggle Doctor? Are you MAD as well as stupid? What if they'd cut your arms off? Or drilled a hole in your wretched SKULL?! They do that, you know -- they cut people up and they call it healing! And you went there? Alone?

Merlin, you bloody fool! What the devil does a Muggle know about a Blood Curse, anyway? That Doctor probably lied to you just to get your money. Go and see that mediwitch at Hogwarts if you expect me to believe a word you're saying.

Until then, stop wasting my time.  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bellatrix

They knew enough to describe exactly what Father and Gran both went through, without my telling them anything. Enough to tell me exactly how this disease, or this curse, or whatever you want to call it, is killing me now. They showed me the blood, Bella.

My blood. They let me see it.   
That was enough for me. That, and the weakness, and the tremors, and the headaches, and the random bouts of nausea. Sounds a lot like what being around Dementors was like, doesn't it? That's irony for you, right there.

And no, I'm not going to Pomfrey about this. Assuming she didn't wash her hands of it as soon as she heard that there was a Blood Curse involved, she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Believe me, ~~ since I came back to~~ I've done the research -- not much to keep me busy these days except reading. And I've plenty to read on that subject. Wizarding medicine hasn't a clue on what to do about this curse that's turning my blood into poison.

Everyone who needs to know about this already does. Me. You. Nobody else.  
And I'll say it again, I'm not dying of this -- this disease, this curse. If you won't keep your oath -- if you make me do it myself, I swear I'll go spectral just so I can watch the Unbreakable and the Blood Curse fight it out to see which can reduce you to a drooling, shitting wreck first! And I'll laugh at you the entire time.

You know damned well I mean that.  
Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius

All right, fine. I'll be happy to keep my oath -- just tell me where to find you.  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

CHRIST, Bella, will you fucking THINK?!

I _can't_ tell you where I am, and you know it! I'm not the bloody secret-keeper, am I? This place is locked down so tight it's the best I can do to get this two-way parchment to work through all the wardings.

Wouldn't do you any good to know where I'm staying anyhow, because if you showed your face about here you'd be hexed into bits in a minute flat. Probably well before you could get a line on me, and much as I'd love to see you back in Azkaban, I've a use for you first, if you don't mind.

You'll have to watch for me.  
I'll get away next week. I'll get out and about where you can find me easily. Monday -- look for me on Monday. I know where you'll be.

Don't fuck this up, Bella.  
Please don't.  
Sirius.

* * *

  


September 1995

  


* * *

Bella,

WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?  
S  


~*~*~*~*~*~

What do you mean where was I? You said _you_ were going to find _me_!

And you call ME mad?  
Stop raving and explain why you're wasting my time, damn you!  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella, you were bloody well THERE! At King's Cross! I could SMELL you, even in the fucking crowd! The alcove by the Gent's just by the stairs, right? Under a disillusionment spell? What the hell did I have to do, lift my leg on your shoes to get your attention?

Daft bloody bint!  
SB  


~*~*~*~*~*~

YOU WERE THE FUCKING DOG???  
Animagus? Oh, you fucking would be, you cur! That's how you escaped, isn't it? That's why the Dementors missed you!

Oh, I positively LOATHE you right now!  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella,

You're kidding me -- you lot didn't fucking KNOW that? What the hell are you bothering to keep Pettigrew around for, anyway? One would think that since you'd worked so hard to get him on your side, you might have asked him a question or two!

Well now it's going to take me awhile to work out a way to shake loose again. I'm not left on my own very often -- it's hard enough getting a few moments alone to send you this aeroplane note. (By the way, I hope the last one didn't try to cram itself too far up your nose. Had a bit of a tickle and sneezed during the casting, don't you know?)

I'll get back to you about next time.  
STAY SHARP!  
SB  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius -- Merlin, I can hardly write that name without rolling my eyes now! Trust YOU to take an ancient and regal name like yours and reduce it to a cheap pun!

I've no idea, really, what that worthless lump of a snivelling Gryffindor is still around for. If it were left up to me, I'd have skinned him for upholstery months ago, just for the way he sucks his teeth. But since you're being so helpful suddenly, is there anything I _ought_ to ask him, particularly? Such as where your Order's current headquarters are? Or who's your secret keeper this time? Oh, all right -- you needn't bother answering that, since you'll only tell me to go bark for it anyway.

You know, Sirius, the worst part about this is that there's a lifetime of insults just waiting to be made here. But of course, coward that you are, you're going to go and die before I'll have the chance to sling even half of them in your face. I don't think I'll ever forgive you for that, you son of a bitch.  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella

I've heard them all before anyhow. But by all means, go ahead -- redundancy always has suited you.

Too bad the Unbreakable keeps you from talking about the details, or maybe you'd be able to get your little sister to hold your wand steady for you next time you see me.

Merlin, why do I bother talking to you?  
SB

* * *

  


January 1996

  


* * *

Mrs. Lestrange

Well, it's another Christmas past and done with, isn't it? My last chance for carols and tree decorating, presents and crackers and the kind of feast that daft old Kreacher never had it in him to produce. Garland and lights and merry songs. Roast goose and figgy pudding blazing away in enough rum to bring a glow even to a ghost's cheeks.

If I shan't have another Christmas, then at least I can be proud of the memories I shall take with me of this last one. A proper Christmas, where everyone was happy -- truly so. No screeching relatives in the upper rooms, no poisoned silences over the supper table, no strained smiles and 'don't you mind's when something was clearly wrong, and no lectures from inbred, arrogant family members about the quality of my friends when they'd never bothered to meet them. No beatings, no curses behind the kitchen woodstack, and no closed-door talks in the study.

Nothing but peace on hearth, and goodwill to man hereabouts, with a certain amount of _wassail, wassail, all over the town'_, of course. A proper holiday. One of the few I've had in this hard-worn lifetime -- Arthur Weasley being attacked by dirty great serpents notwithstanding.

Still, you're meant to think of family at Christmas, aren't you? And so here I am, after-dinner tipple in hand, wondering how you've spent your holiday. Was there a nice Muggle roasting over your Yule Log in the Death Eater club room? Did Snape and Pettigrew and old Lucy Malfoy sing _God Rest Ye Merry Voldemort_ in three part harmony, while kicking house elves about? At midnight, did the old Revenant himself pop out of the chimney, dressed as Father Christmas, his wand bulging with Unforgivables and Curse Crackers for all his good little pure-blood murderers?

Did he give you Rabastan's head for your Christmas present, or does he still expect you to behave and play nice with your useless husband's bastard brother? By the way, I'll still kill him for you, just as I promised. All you have to do is tell me where to find the both of you, and all our business can be done at once; I kill Lestrange and his raping brother, and you kill me, and there we are, all tied up with a neat little bow.

Did you get the gift I sent you, at least?  
Sirius Black  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius, you lunatic!

You were TRYING to get Rabastan crucio'd to death weren't you? And don't you try and pretend it was an accident, that letter folding itself back up and flying right to him as soon as the Dark Lord was in the room. You're not half that stupid, mad though you may be.

You did have the letter change from when I'd read it, didn't you? I shall never forgive you if your carelessness let my Lord get a look at that maudlin tripe, no matter the good old days recalled therein. Of course you did change it. I'd have done. I'd have set it up so he looked just like someone informing on the sly to My Lord's enemies. Bit like I'm doing, I suppose, but I'm not getting caught at it.

So don't you bloodywell DARE pull that prank again, you cur. I'll have my own revenge on Rabastan when and if he survives this little futility your Order persists in, and I'll not have you depriving my side of a perfectly good soldier before it's time, damn you!

And what are you going on about -- what bloody gift? Unless Rabastan's punishment was meant to be it? That was lovely, but I'll not thank you for it, since that was My Lord's doing anyway.  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

The elf, Bella.

Did you get the bloody elf? I sent Kreacher to you. Fuck, please tell me that useless little beast at least managed to do one thing right in his miserable life.  
Please, just... hell. He didn't, did he?  
He didn't.  
Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius.

He'd not have been able to find me, you fool -- not any more than you would, I'll warrant. Why would you send him? You've always hated him, not that I'm any fonder, of course, wretched, nasty thing that he is.

Is it getting that bad?   
~Bella~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Yes. Sometimes the headaches are so bad that I sleep for days on end. My vision went for awhile last time... just after Christmas, and I had to hide out in ... well, it didn't return for awhile.

I don't know how much longer it's going to be before someone notices, Bella. Kreacher was meant to bring you to Trafalgar Square at midnight on New Years. I'd thought in the crowd, I might... Well, clearly that won't work if you're under Fidelis, and being watched.

It hurts, Bella. It hurts nearly all the time now. The Muggles said I might have a year if I took their treatments, but I haven't done. Merlin, to look at those poor bald bastards, I might not have done even if they thought they could have broken the curse with their ray-dish therapy and kee-mo. But not just to gain time.

Only now I don't know how long I do have. Or you either, Smelly, given your oath to me. "Before the curse takes you down", you promised, "Before you can't ride a broom, or walk on your own, before you can't recognise your kin or your home, I will end your life."

Bad as this curse is, I think I'll get the better end of it if you wind up dying of the Unbreakable broken.  
SB  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius,

Make Kreacher go to the house at Grimmauld Place. Tell him to bring you Master Polaris' potions box. It has an ever-fresh charm on it, and I remember when he died, we had just had the supply replenished, and I just know Aunt Dahlia didn't get rid of it before she died. Depending on how much of your whinging is real, it might be enough for a few months or more.

Take them, Sirius, for Merlin's sake, _take them_! Don't you dare let this curse kill you before I can do it, don't you bloody DARE! I won't forgive you if you do. Not ever. And before the Unforgivable kills me, I swear I'll track down that useless bloody werewolf lover of yours, and tear his pelt off in strips for leaving you alone like this!

Though I suppose you're being ridiculous and noble and not telling him -- or any of them -- about the curse while it turns your brains to treacle pudding. Tch. Just like a bloody Gryffindor. 'Don't mind me, I'll just die over here while you all drink a toast to your clever bloody Mudbloods!'

Just read the damned labels, and TAKE THE POTIONS!  
Pillock.

I'll contact you again when I've thought up some way to slip out. Until then, DON'T DIE!  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Whatever you say. I'm tired of arguing with you about this. Just find a way to kill me, or else leave me the fuck alone, why don't you?

Potions. Fine. I'll drink potions while you pick your nose and kiss Voldemort's arse. Kreacher will come and tell you when it's too fucking late, I suppose.  
SB

* * *

  


June 1996

  


* * *

Sirius

Be ready. I'll not tell you details, because we both know what an utterly untrustworthy bastard you are, but you ought to be sure you're ready to move. We'll get our chance soon -- any day now.  
~B~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella, what the hell are you barking on about?

How the hell can I be ready for anything if you won't bloody well tell me what? Do you think I've got the strength to just leap about on a moment's notice? Potions or not, it's nothing doing. Obviously you know what, and you know where, and you might even know when.

So I think it's fair to guess that it isn't your plan you're exploiting at all, or else you wouldn't be half so coy. If it was your idea, you'd be bragging it about to everyone but the Prophet, and we both know it.

So it's Him then. What's your Revenant up to this time?  
You may as well tell me. After all, we both know I'm not going to survive it.  
Unless you screw things up again, that is.  
Sirius  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Just something a little nightgaunt whispered in my ear the other day. A little tree's bearing fruit, and a little fish is about to take the bait. Any day now, any day.

And as for you, you great tit, here; keep this powder on hand, and take it with water -- NOT WINE OR FIREWHISKEY -- when you get my signal. It'll keep you going long enough. Trust me that far, at least, you fool -- I don't want this killing me as well!

You'll know where to go when you hear it. Hell, you've probably already guessed by now, but I don't suppose it'll do you any good, since you can't tell your precious Order how you know without giving away your Curse.

You'd do better to tell them, you know. They'll know once they find your body -- the Blood Curse's marks are always very plain. Your werewolf isn't going to forgive you for not telling him. He'll curse your name harder than you ever did, mark my words.  
Not that you ever listened to ME, though.  
~Bella~  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Bella

Cocaine. Nice. This explains so much about you, you know?

And of course you're right. It wouldn't do me any good to tell the Order that you lot are going to try and hit the Prophecy Room at the Department of Mysteries, considering we've known that since the beginning of the bloody YEAR.

Still. I find it notable that you don't seem to think young Harry will mind my imminent death.  
SB  


~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius,

Well, shall we simply say, I don't expect young Potter will be in much of a position to care about anything but himself?

Don't bother replying, by the way -- I'm changing the wards to incinerate your silly parchment aeroplanes now. I don't want any of your pranks now, when My Lord needs all his trusted faithful at his side. He needs me, and I will not be held back by any of your pointless Gryffindor ideas.

You just watch for my signal. Kreacher will be sure you get it, in case you manage to miss the damned thing. You just watch, and then you come -- alone, and as fast as you can. And on my Mark, I promise you'll not live to see another dawn.  
So swear I, Bellatrix Black Lestrange.

* * *

  


August 1996

  


* * *

Miss Nymphadora Tonks

You'll have been taught, no doubt, that I mean you nothing but harm. That I hold your mixed blood in scorn, and wish to see you and your kind enslaved. And perhaps that is true.

You'll have been taught as well, no doubt, that the Black blood is thin and corrupted with an evil taint. If I know my cousin, he'll have spent every spare minute degrading the tree which bore him with unlimited spleen.

Well. Perhaps tonight, I write to you to explain ... that is not entirely untrue.

You are a Black, as much as you are a Tonks, no matter how little either of us may like that idea. You are still a Black -- the eldest of your generation. That makes you the Heir.

And that means there is something about our family which you ought to know...

* * *

  


~*~ FIN ~*~ 

  


* * *


End file.
